19. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Are you fascinated by how the human brain works?  I'm obsessed with books about the brain - specifically how do I hack my brain to live the life I want to live instead of wasting it on social media?  One of my goals this year is live life with intention, and this book is perfect for evaluating the habits that hold me back (or propel me).

Duhigg examines both anecdotes and scientific studies to highlight the effects of habits.   Habits are like the autopilot feature for our lives.   Habits will make or break a person, but most of us don't even pause to think about them.  It is FASCINATING.    Habits occur in the "Habit Loop:" there's a cue, routine, and reward.   Identifying each component of a habit gives you the power to alter the loop.  What is the craving? What is the habit?  What is the reward? 

What is one habit that would dramatically change your life for the better?  Duhigg refers to these habits as keystone habits.  1 habit that has an effect on the whole.  For example, when Paul O'Neill became CEO of Alcoa, he announced they would be focusing on the habit of safety.  Shareholders freaked out because it wasn't what they were expecting.  How is safety going to make them more money?  However, safety was a keystone habit that transformed the company by increasing employee safety (and satisfaction) thus increasing profitability by decreasing workman's comp claims.  As old, dangerous equipment was replaced, quality sky-rocketed.  As employees learned to communicate on-site dangers and problems, communication flourished and, in turn, increased efficiency. 

Duhigg also examines will power and the habits associated with it.  As it turns out, willpower is a finite commodity.  If we use it all up early in the day, we are vulnerable to poor decisions later.   This is of particular interest as a veterinarian.  I used to feel all my decision making power was consumed by work and frequently made poor eating decisions because I just couldn't  find the willpower to eat healthy.  This where habits come in to play.  If you develop the right healthy habits, you don't have to use will power.  You just follow the habit. 

This book is chalked full of meaty, science on the formation and power of habits...but devotes less time to the practical tips of changing your habits.  The appendix is devoted to how to do you own mini-study of your habits.  What's the cue routine, and reward of your habit?   I printed it off to start examining my own bad habits (particularly my stress eating and my "Add to Cart" habits). 

Overall, I give this one a 4/5.  I have the Audible version and it was fun to listen to this one while working out or cleaning.    If you like reading about habits, but want a more practical book Atomic Habits is another great book to read. 

18. Home from the Sea - Mercedes Lackey

I checked this book out from the local library before the pandemic hit.  The cover looked pretty interesting, and I've enjoyed Mercedes Lackey's books before (her Joust series was AWESOME).  This one was not my favorite.   I should start with this is number 7 in the Elemental Masters series.  Perhaps, I would have enjoyed it better if I had  read the others first.

Mari lives with her father in a cottage by the sea.   Their fishing prospers and her father never seems to fear storms that have other fishermen too afraid to venture outside.  However, Daffyd has a secret: one that binds Mari to wed a man from the Selch clan.  The Selch are magical, shape-shifting creatures of the water.    Nan and Sarah suddenly show up (characters from the rest of the series I assume) to assist.   ...

I had a few issues with this book starting with the book didn't need Nan and Sarah.  The space would have been better spent developing character of Mari and family.    Also when Mari makes her choice of mate, why is this such a big deal to the clan chief?  The clan chiefs actions are just baffling.   Your clan needs to strengthen their line with the Prothero family....why anger them so much?  Also I thought there would be earth shatter peril - forces of darkness threatening to overtake or perhaps convert our new heroine.    Nope.    SPOILER ALERT so highlight to read it.... Mari's mother and brother were also a part of this bargain and supposedly a great wave swept them both to the Selch island.   When Mari shows up there, why don't they show up when she ventures there?  

Overall, I give this book a 2 on my rating system.   It was just ok.   Borrowing from the library is just fine.  I may or may not read more in this series. 

17. Fool's Fate

I just finished Fool's Fate, and I have to say...whoa!   That one was the culmination of the all the character building and plotting of the previous books in the Realm of the Elderlings.   This one I couldn't put down.  A bunch of loose ends finally come together for a very satisfying conclusion.   I don't want to give anything away, but I was glad to finally read this book in the series.  I know Fool's Assassin picks up the story, but I think I'll rest this series awhile.    One concept that I really enjoyed was questioning was the Fool truly the White Prophet?  Or was he a false prophet?  Who determines what future the world will take?   The Pale Woman's vision for the future is in complete contrast to the Fool's.   But which would be better for mankind?  The Fool claims that dragons are necessary to keep man's domination of nature in balance.   I considered that for some time.   Unfortunately in our own time and world, it seems we are bent on destroying the earth... Robin Hobb's concept of needing another sentient, powerful lifeform in the world to balance our destruction is fascinating.

Overall, I give this last book in the Tawny Man Trilogy a 5...because I did end up buying both the Audible and Kindle versions.  I couldn't stop "reading" even at the dentist.   So the Audible sustained me while the dentist worked on a bad tooth.

14. Boundaries for Leaders

I love all the Boundaries books, and this one was no exception.  I will eventually have them all in both my Kindle and my Audible because I'm sure I'll revisit these often.   Dr. Henry Cloud is clinical pathologist and leadership expert.  These are the most empowering books I've ever read.    If I had to summarize this book in 1 sentence it is...

Leaders get what they create and what they allow.

If you are a leader at your work, you are ridiculously in charge.   A good leader provides and protects a workplace environment that enables brains to do their best work.  "In other words, our brains need to be able to:  (a) focus on something specific, (b)not get off track by focusing on or being assaulted by other data inputs or toxicity, and (c) continuously be aware of relevant information at all times."   Attention, inhibition, and working memory define a high productivity brain and leader's primary goal should be nurturing function brains.    "In the same way that the brain cannot work without the executive functions in place, it also cannot work if it is drowning in stress hormones."   From my research on the effects of conflict in the workplace, I read that the average unresolved conflict costs the company 8 hours of labor.   As leaders, we cannot allow toxicity to drown the brains of our workplace.  We need a positive emotional climate!

Every chapter is full of useful tips and advice for leaders.  I can't recommend this book enough!

13. Checklist Manifesto

In the Checklist Manifesto, Dr. Gawande highlight the benefits of a simple checklist.   He quotes studies performed in hospitals around the world that found checklists save lives in the medical setting.   I'm all over this concept.   There are checklists all over my house.     The human mind is fallible and as such needs as much help as it can get.  

When hospitals implemented a simple 6 item presurgical checklist:

“On average hospitals missed one of them in a starling two-thirds of patients, whether rich or poor.”  Results indicated:

• Major complications fell by 36

• Deaths fell by 47 percent

• Infections fell by almost half

• Of the study group of 4000 patients, 150 spared from harm expected based on previous results and 27 from death

• “There was also a notable correlation between teamwork scores and results for patients - the greater the improvement in teamwork, the greater the drop in complications”

• 78% actually observed the checklist to have prevented an error in the operating room

This book is a 4/5 on my scale.  I have the paper version and will be adding to "Dr. Darr's Wellness Library" for my veterinary students.  I highly recommend it for anyone who loves a good checklist and wants evidence to back it up!  I also recommend it for anyone in the medical field.  

16. Golden Fool

I finished the book 2 of the Tawny Man Trilogy last night.  Things finally started happening in the last few chapters!   The story picks up with Tom Badgerlock tying to build a coterie for Prince Dutiful...but unknown forces and factions conspire against the thrown.    Is there a spy in their midst?   (of course there's a spy...there are always spies EVERYWHERE).   Will Tom Badgerlock finally step into the light as claim his true name and place?  

I give this book a 4/5.  I did buy it on my kindle, but I don't think I need the Audible version as well.   This book seemed to drag a bit until the last few chapters.   Tom struggles with how to parent his young adult son, Hap.    I can relate to his struggles as the parent of teen...sometimes you have to let them flounder and be there to pick up the pieces.   Queen Kettriken combats the extreme prejudice against the Witted, but the prejudice is so deeply rooted she struggles to unite her people.    Prince Dutiful prepares for his betrothal quest.  Tom Badgerlock is torn between friendship and duty.

I will warn you...there is rape mentioned in this book but it's not graphically described.   Also be prepared for a very sudden ending!  I was just really getting into the action and BOOM.   It was the epilogue.   I bet the 3rd book is going to be very exciting!

11. Fool's Errand

I finally got around to starting the Tawny Man Trilogy.  The Fool's Errand picks up the story of FitzChivalry (or rather Tom Badgerlock) 15 years after the whole dragon and raiders thing.   Fitz longs for a simple life away from the court and its intrigue.  However, that is, of course, not his fate.   Queen Kettricken summoned him back to Buck to look for the wayward Prince Dutiful.  Did Prince Dutiful run or do the enemies of the crown conspire to ransom him for their own advancement?   Will Fitz be able to find the boy and convince him to come back to marry the Out Islander princess to bring peace to the Six Duchies?  

Overall I thought this book moved fairly slowly, but it was still an enjoyable read.  I have to say I'm frustrated and wish Fitz would just come out of hiding.   He's been hiding in all the books, but it seems as if that's not going to happen any time soon.  

I rate it a 3/5.  I'm perfectly content reading the library's book.  

12. I'm Still Here

This is a fabulous book.   It was powerful and moving to step into someone else's life experience.   If you notice, the author is Austin Channing Brown.  Ms. Brown was deliberately named with a white male sounding name in order to give her a better chance at gaining interviews.  It's the first thing she talks about in her book and I was challenged by my narrow world view immediately.  If you think race is no longer an issue in today's America, I implore you to read this book.    I highly recommend listening to it on Audible narrated by the author's own voice because there's a power to hearing someone's story in their own voice.  I give this one a 3+.  While I only listened to the library's recorded version, I think this one is on my must read list.   I will note that it is somewhat of a challenging read as there are few suggestions on how to move forward.  My husband overheard parts and remarked that "She makes it sound so hopeless."  However, maybe that too can give the white reader a little empathy...racial reconciliation does feel hopeless, and this book doesn't hold back or sugar coat.

10. How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids -

I listened to this book through Libby and my local library.  It is fun, quick listen.   Jancee Dunn quotes a lot of my favorite researchers including Brene Brown and the Gottman Institute.  If those types of people are you jam, you'll enjoy this book.  It's chalked full of helpful tips and research on relationships.  My favorite take-away:  lower your expectations.  It's better to present and enjoy your family and husband than to obsess over a perfect house.   Dunn is witty and open as she shares anecdotes of her own journey through motherhood and marriage.  I recommend it to friends.

I give it a 3 on my rating scale.  I enjoyed the library book quite a bit, but I don't need to add it to my collection!

9. Creativity, Inc. - Ed Catmull

This book was great!   I thought a book about the formation of a company, Pixar, would be boring.    However, Pixar's work culture of creativity is so inspiring.    There are many principles that I am going to carry forward into my own work and creative endeavors. 

Fear of Failure.   I'm challenging myself to change my thinking about failure.   When I create a painting, I'm haunted by the question "Is this going to turn out?" but instead I want to focus on learning from mistakes.   Failure is necessary to art and creativity.  It isn't just a necessary evil...it is valuable.  Art is an iterative process. 

Candor.   When we have the freedom to tell the truth - even uncomfortable truths, creativity flourishes.    Conflict is a necessary and expected component of growth and creativity.  I am trying to be honest with myself and my own work, encourage my family (ie, my art critics) to be brutally honest with my paintings, and encourage candor at my work.

I think this one is a strong 4.  I think I want this one in my collection, but maybe I don't need it in both audio and visual formats.   I highly recommend this book for anyone who does art...and who is a leader at their work!

8. Atomic Habits - James Clear

I really enjoyed this book.  The main take away is we can change our lives by making tiny changes to our daily habits.  He shares tangible steps on changing your habits.  What is the secret of highly productive people?  Why do some people not have to think about productivity as much as others?  It all boils down to habits!   I do a lot of his tips intuitively.  I'm obsessed with my pursuing my goals, and I've started forming daily habits to pursue them.   One technique/concept in the book I found particularly thought provoking was habit stacking.    This starts with a base habit then slowly builds habits on top of the base habit.  For example:  habit 1 is putting work out clothes on when you first get out of bed.  Then building up habits to actually work out.    This is basically carving out a new neural pathway.  Once you start on the pathway, you naturally follow it to the desired result.

This one is a 4.  I might read it again so it's worth having in my collection, but I'm not obsessive about it...so I don't need it both on Audible and Kindle :)

7. Make your Bed - William H. McRaven

This little book is an adaptation of Admiral Raven's commencement speech at University of Texas at Austin.  It's a short read and to the point.   It would make a great gift for graduation.     I enjoyed it, but it's not one I'm going to go back to often.   However, I may gift it to less avid-readers who need inspiration to take control of their lives.   It's full of anecdotal wisdom on making the most out of life, facing challenges squarely, and focusing on what what you can control (ie, making your bed) when life feels out of control. 

I give this one a 3 - a good read, but not one I need in my personal collection.   I will probably pass mine on to someone I feel will benefit from it.

3. Boundaries in Marriage - Townsend and Cloud

This is a great book for married Christians.  Anything in the Boundaries series is worth reading.  As the title implies, this particular one is about boundaries in marriage.  Marriage is one of the closest relationships humans experience so boundaries are critical.    If you feel powerless and stuck in the same fights over and and over again, you'll like this book.  It empowers the reader to focus on what we can control: ourselves.   We can control our...

• feelings
• attitudes
• behaviors
• choices
• limits
• desires
• thoughts
• values
• talents
• love 

We cannot control our spouse...and if you're trying to, it will make both of you miserable.  However, you can control how you respond to your spouse.

Drs. Townsend and Cloud apply the 10 Laws of Boundaries to the marriage situation...

1. The Law of Sowing and Reaping.  If you swoop in and save your spouse from consequences, you are denying him/her the opportunity to grow up. Example:  suffering in silence when your spouse hurt your feelings.  Instead communicate and set a limit "When you respond to me with irritation and anger, it hurts my feelings.  In the future, we will walk away until you can discuss this calmly."
2. The Law of Responsibility.   We are responsible to each other, but not for each other.  Don't try to take ownership of your spouse's life.  Example:  "a husband may take on responsibility his wife should be bearing.  FOr example, his wife may be unhappy, and he may feel responsible for her happiness.  Perhaps he feels that he isn't making enough money, showing enough interest in her activities, or helping enough around the house.  So he tries and tries to make an unhappy person happy. This is an impossible project.  While a husband should be sympathetic toward his unhappy wife and take responsibility for his own hurtful behavior, he shouldn't take responsibility for her feelings.  They are hers and she must handle them herself."  If a spouse is overspending, there need to be some limits. "You are responsible for paying off that credit card.  Perhaps you should sell something or get another job."  Etc.
3. The Law of Power. We have no power over other people.  We can't make our spouse grow up or change.  You do have power to change yourself and the way you respond to your spouse.  You have power to confess, submit, and repent of your own hurtful ways.
4. The Law of Respect.   If we wish for others to respect our boundaries, we have respect the boundaries of others.  This means you let your spouse have their nos too.   Protect your spouse's freedom of choice.  Don't begrudge your husband his hobbies.  Don't begrudge your wife her time with friends.  This law protects freedom in marriage.
5. The Law of Motivation.  "We must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes."  Your choices and boundaries should be value based and not fear based.  Pay attention to your motives.  
6. The Law of Evaluation.  We need to evaluate our boundaries (or lack thereof).    Are they causing injury or pain?  Pain isn't necessarily a bad thing.  For example, saying no to a child may cause some emotional pain, but it PREVENTS injury.    Some pain leads to growth. Is your suffering in silence while doing more chores than your fair share helping anyone grow?  "Sometimes discomfort is an opportunity for growth.   You may need to confront your spouse, give him a warning, or set a consequence.  Do no neglect setting limits in your marriage because of a fear of causing pain.  Pain can be the best friend your relationship has ever had."
7. The Law of Proactivity.  Taking action to solve problems based on your values, wants, and needs.  Proactive people solve problems without having to blow up."  I struggle with this one.  I usually bottle up my feelings, not communicating my boundaries...until I explode in rage.   This particularly comes out as "rage cleaning."
8. The Law of Envy.  If our focus on what others have, we will never focus on what we do have and what we can do.  "Envy is devaluing what we have, thinking it is not enough.  We then focus on what others have, all the while resenting them for having good things we don't possess." 
9. The Law of Activity.  "We need to take the initiative to solve our own problems rather than being passive.  Have your ever noticed how some couples are divided into the "active" spouse and the "passive" one?  One spouse takes more initiative, sets goals, and confronts problems.  The other waits for his spouse to make a move first, then responds."  
10. The Law of Exposure.   "A boundary that is not communicated is a boundary that is not working."  You have to say something!  "Don't wait for your spouse to take the first step.  Assume the first move is always yours."

Honestly, I feel like I need to read a Boundary book every month.  They are so helpful and empowering  It's easy to focus on the things I can't control, but it is empowering to focus on what I can control!
This is a 5/5 because I will read it again and again.  I may read it slowly, but that's because I need time for the information to soak into my brain so I can apply it!

Robin Hobb Books (Books 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, and 11)

The Farseer Trilogy (Assassin's Apprentice, Royal Assassin, and Assassin's Quest) 
The first book of the new year was Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb.  This books is the second book in the Farseer Trilogy.    These books follow the story of young bastard, Fitzchivalry as he struggles to save the kingdom from Zombie-like creatures called the Forged.    Basically the Forged have had their prefrontal cortex shut offline and are incapable of the 9 functions of the cortex (as outlined by Daniel J. Siegel in Mindsight...see my last blog post).   Of particular note, they cannot communicate, feel empathy, or modulate fear.   These are truly terrifying creatures!  These books tended to wind up fairly slowly with the first 3 books representing a lot of world building and character development.     My absolute favorite part of this series is the wolf, Nighteyes, and his bond with Fitz.  The developing friendship between Fitz and the Fool is fun to read as well.  Be warned!  These books do break 3 of my rules of peril:  cannibalism, child abuse, and rape.    All the instances of this were not described in an overly graphic way.   However, the when I read fantasy, I read to get away...so in my opinion those things lessen the enjoyment of the books...  So I rate this serious a 3/5 stars

The Liveship Traders Trilogy (Ship of Magic, Mad Ship, Ship of Destiny)
In some ways, I enjoyed these more than the Farseer Trilogy.  In some sense it's a coming of age tale of the youth of Vestrit family.  Althea ventures out on the open sea to save her family's liveship from pirates. A live ship is a ship that is given sentience through generations of a family giving their memories at death to the ship. This series has some of my favorite themes such as voyages to far off lands and exploration of deserted cities.    Malta Vestrit grows into womanhood and learns responsibility.  At first, she was such an irritating character, but I learned to appreciate her tenacity and strength.   Overall, these were fast moving and fun reads.  However, they deal with some pretty heavy subject like the linger mental effects of child abuse.  Be wary...there is rape and child abuse in these books!  So 3/5 for me....


My scale...
1 - I almost quit reading.  I had to force myself to continue.  Probably not going to finish the series.
2 - Just ok.  Easy to put these down to go do the dishes.  May take a week to get through...
3 - I liked them, but the library version is fine.
4 - I really enjoyed them.   These are worth buying at least 1 version.   
5 - Don't talk me I'm reading.   Order a pizza to feed the children!  Read as fast as I can and will read again someday. I bought the Audible versions and ebook so I can seamlessly move between the versions.

Ps. I'm trying to stop the 2 spaces after periods, but I'm struggling. So forgive the weird, inconsistent spacing.

Book 15 of 2020: Mindsight by Daniel Siegel

I've been terrible at blogging the books I've read this year, but here we go...   Book 15 was a phenomenal read and combined some of my favorite subjects:  personal growth, how trauma affects the brain, and therapy techniques.   Dr. Siegel walks the reader through basic brain anatomy and function in a manner that helps the reader understand how memories, emotions, and modes of thinking emerge.   He discusses in depth a technique called "mindsight" for integrating the brain.    I highly recommend it.   Some of the information is repeated from his other books, but let's just face it...I have to have new information pounded into my brain. 

I use the "name it to tame it" technique with my children, clients, and myself.  This strategy takes the overwhelming emotions and recruits the higher functions of the cortex to apply a name to the feeling.  This helps someone who has "flipped their lid" (ie, in fight, flight, or freeze mode) to turn the higher circuits of thinking back online.


Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book.
"Well-being emerges when we create connections in our lives - when we learn to use mindsight to help the brain achieve and maintain integration, a process by which separate elements are linked together into a working whole."

"Finding a way to soothe excessively reactive limbic firing is crucial to rebalancing emotions and diminishing the harmful effects of chronic stress.  As we'll see, mindsight can help us recruit the higher areas of the brain to create a 'cortical override' of these limbic reactivities."

"In sum, experience creates the repeated neural firing that can lead to gene expression, protein production, and changes in both the genetic regulation of neurons and the structural connections in the brain.  By harnessing the power of awareness to strategically stimulate the brain's firing, mindsight enables us to voluntarily change a firing pattern that was laid down involuntarily."  (Ie, if you have a trauma past, there is hope!)