9. Creativity, Inc. - Ed Catmull

This book was great!   I thought a book about the formation of a company, Pixar, would be boring.    However, Pixar's work culture of creativity is so inspiring.    There are many principles that I am going to carry forward into my own work and creative endeavors. 

Fear of Failure.   I'm challenging myself to change my thinking about failure.   When I create a painting, I'm haunted by the question "Is this going to turn out?" but instead I want to focus on learning from mistakes.   Failure is necessary to art and creativity.  It isn't just a necessary evil...it is valuable.  Art is an iterative process. 

Candor.   When we have the freedom to tell the truth - even uncomfortable truths, creativity flourishes.    Conflict is a necessary and expected component of growth and creativity.  I am trying to be honest with myself and my own work, encourage my family (ie, my art critics) to be brutally honest with my paintings, and encourage candor at my work.

I think this one is a strong 4.  I think I want this one in my collection, but maybe I don't need it in both audio and visual formats.   I highly recommend this book for anyone who does art...and who is a leader at their work!

8. Atomic Habits - James Clear

I really enjoyed this book.  The main take away is we can change our lives by making tiny changes to our daily habits.  He shares tangible steps on changing your habits.  What is the secret of highly productive people?  Why do some people not have to think about productivity as much as others?  It all boils down to habits!   I do a lot of his tips intuitively.  I'm obsessed with my pursuing my goals, and I've started forming daily habits to pursue them.   One technique/concept in the book I found particularly thought provoking was habit stacking.    This starts with a base habit then slowly builds habits on top of the base habit.  For example:  habit 1 is putting work out clothes on when you first get out of bed.  Then building up habits to actually work out.    This is basically carving out a new neural pathway.  Once you start on the pathway, you naturally follow it to the desired result.

This one is a 4.  I might read it again so it's worth having in my collection, but I'm not obsessive about it...so I don't need it both on Audible and Kindle :)

7. Make your Bed - William H. McRaven

This little book is an adaptation of Admiral Raven's commencement speech at University of Texas at Austin.  It's a short read and to the point.   It would make a great gift for graduation.     I enjoyed it, but it's not one I'm going to go back to often.   However, I may gift it to less avid-readers who need inspiration to take control of their lives.   It's full of anecdotal wisdom on making the most out of life, facing challenges squarely, and focusing on what what you can control (ie, making your bed) when life feels out of control. 

I give this one a 3 - a good read, but not one I need in my personal collection.   I will probably pass mine on to someone I feel will benefit from it.

3. Boundaries in Marriage - Townsend and Cloud

This is a great book for married Christians.  Anything in the Boundaries series is worth reading.  As the title implies, this particular one is about boundaries in marriage.  Marriage is one of the closest relationships humans experience so boundaries are critical.    If you feel powerless and stuck in the same fights over and and over again, you'll like this book.  It empowers the reader to focus on what we can control: ourselves.   We can control our...

• feelings
• attitudes
• behaviors
• choices
• limits
• desires
• thoughts
• values
• talents
• love 

We cannot control our spouse...and if you're trying to, it will make both of you miserable.  However, you can control how you respond to your spouse.

Drs. Townsend and Cloud apply the 10 Laws of Boundaries to the marriage situation...

1. The Law of Sowing and Reaping.  If you swoop in and save your spouse from consequences, you are denying him/her the opportunity to grow up. Example:  suffering in silence when your spouse hurt your feelings.  Instead communicate and set a limit "When you respond to me with irritation and anger, it hurts my feelings.  In the future, we will walk away until you can discuss this calmly."
2. The Law of Responsibility.   We are responsible to each other, but not for each other.  Don't try to take ownership of your spouse's life.  Example:  "a husband may take on responsibility his wife should be bearing.  FOr example, his wife may be unhappy, and he may feel responsible for her happiness.  Perhaps he feels that he isn't making enough money, showing enough interest in her activities, or helping enough around the house.  So he tries and tries to make an unhappy person happy. This is an impossible project.  While a husband should be sympathetic toward his unhappy wife and take responsibility for his own hurtful behavior, he shouldn't take responsibility for her feelings.  They are hers and she must handle them herself."  If a spouse is overspending, there need to be some limits. "You are responsible for paying off that credit card.  Perhaps you should sell something or get another job."  Etc.
3. The Law of Power. We have no power over other people.  We can't make our spouse grow up or change.  You do have power to change yourself and the way you respond to your spouse.  You have power to confess, submit, and repent of your own hurtful ways.
4. The Law of Respect.   If we wish for others to respect our boundaries, we have respect the boundaries of others.  This means you let your spouse have their nos too.   Protect your spouse's freedom of choice.  Don't begrudge your husband his hobbies.  Don't begrudge your wife her time with friends.  This law protects freedom in marriage.
5. The Law of Motivation.  "We must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes."  Your choices and boundaries should be value based and not fear based.  Pay attention to your motives.  
6. The Law of Evaluation.  We need to evaluate our boundaries (or lack thereof).    Are they causing injury or pain?  Pain isn't necessarily a bad thing.  For example, saying no to a child may cause some emotional pain, but it PREVENTS injury.    Some pain leads to growth. Is your suffering in silence while doing more chores than your fair share helping anyone grow?  "Sometimes discomfort is an opportunity for growth.   You may need to confront your spouse, give him a warning, or set a consequence.  Do no neglect setting limits in your marriage because of a fear of causing pain.  Pain can be the best friend your relationship has ever had."
7. The Law of Proactivity.  Taking action to solve problems based on your values, wants, and needs.  Proactive people solve problems without having to blow up."  I struggle with this one.  I usually bottle up my feelings, not communicating my boundaries...until I explode in rage.   This particularly comes out as "rage cleaning."
8. The Law of Envy.  If our focus on what others have, we will never focus on what we do have and what we can do.  "Envy is devaluing what we have, thinking it is not enough.  We then focus on what others have, all the while resenting them for having good things we don't possess." 
9. The Law of Activity.  "We need to take the initiative to solve our own problems rather than being passive.  Have your ever noticed how some couples are divided into the "active" spouse and the "passive" one?  One spouse takes more initiative, sets goals, and confronts problems.  The other waits for his spouse to make a move first, then responds."  
10. The Law of Exposure.   "A boundary that is not communicated is a boundary that is not working."  You have to say something!  "Don't wait for your spouse to take the first step.  Assume the first move is always yours."

Honestly, I feel like I need to read a Boundary book every month.  They are so helpful and empowering  It's easy to focus on the things I can't control, but it is empowering to focus on what I can control!
This is a 5/5 because I will read it again and again.  I may read it slowly, but that's because I need time for the information to soak into my brain so I can apply it!

Robin Hobb Books (Books 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, and 11)

The Farseer Trilogy (Assassin's Apprentice, Royal Assassin, and Assassin's Quest) 
The first book of the new year was Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb.  This books is the second book in the Farseer Trilogy.    These books follow the story of young bastard, Fitzchivalry as he struggles to save the kingdom from Zombie-like creatures called the Forged.    Basically the Forged have had their prefrontal cortex shut offline and are incapable of the 9 functions of the cortex (as outlined by Daniel J. Siegel in Mindsight...see my last blog post).   Of particular note, they cannot communicate, feel empathy, or modulate fear.   These are truly terrifying creatures!  These books tended to wind up fairly slowly with the first 3 books representing a lot of world building and character development.     My absolute favorite part of this series is the wolf, Nighteyes, and his bond with Fitz.  The developing friendship between Fitz and the Fool is fun to read as well.  Be warned!  These books do break 3 of my rules of peril:  cannibalism, child abuse, and rape.    All the instances of this were not described in an overly graphic way.   However, the when I read fantasy, I read to get away...so in my opinion those things lessen the enjoyment of the books...  So I rate this serious a 3/5 stars

The Liveship Traders Trilogy (Ship of Magic, Mad Ship, Ship of Destiny)
In some ways, I enjoyed these more than the Farseer Trilogy.  In some sense it's a coming of age tale of the youth of Vestrit family.  Althea ventures out on the open sea to save her family's liveship from pirates. A live ship is a ship that is given sentience through generations of a family giving their memories at death to the ship. This series has some of my favorite themes such as voyages to far off lands and exploration of deserted cities.    Malta Vestrit grows into womanhood and learns responsibility.  At first, she was such an irritating character, but I learned to appreciate her tenacity and strength.   Overall, these were fast moving and fun reads.  However, they deal with some pretty heavy subject like the linger mental effects of child abuse.  Be wary...there is rape and child abuse in these books!  So 3/5 for me....


My scale...
1 - I almost quit reading.  I had to force myself to continue.  Probably not going to finish the series.
2 - Just ok.  Easy to put these down to go do the dishes.  May take a week to get through...
3 - I liked them, but the library version is fine.
4 - I really enjoyed them.   These are worth buying at least 1 version.   
5 - Don't talk me I'm reading.   Order a pizza to feed the children!  Read as fast as I can and will read again someday. I bought the Audible versions and ebook so I can seamlessly move between the versions.

Ps. I'm trying to stop the 2 spaces after periods, but I'm struggling. So forgive the weird, inconsistent spacing.

Book 15 of 2020: Mindsight by Daniel Siegel

I've been terrible at blogging the books I've read this year, but here we go...   Book 15 was a phenomenal read and combined some of my favorite subjects:  personal growth, how trauma affects the brain, and therapy techniques.   Dr. Siegel walks the reader through basic brain anatomy and function in a manner that helps the reader understand how memories, emotions, and modes of thinking emerge.   He discusses in depth a technique called "mindsight" for integrating the brain.    I highly recommend it.   Some of the information is repeated from his other books, but let's just face it...I have to have new information pounded into my brain. 

I use the "name it to tame it" technique with my children, clients, and myself.  This strategy takes the overwhelming emotions and recruits the higher functions of the cortex to apply a name to the feeling.  This helps someone who has "flipped their lid" (ie, in fight, flight, or freeze mode) to turn the higher circuits of thinking back online.


Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book.
"Well-being emerges when we create connections in our lives - when we learn to use mindsight to help the brain achieve and maintain integration, a process by which separate elements are linked together into a working whole."

"Finding a way to soothe excessively reactive limbic firing is crucial to rebalancing emotions and diminishing the harmful effects of chronic stress.  As we'll see, mindsight can help us recruit the higher areas of the brain to create a 'cortical override' of these limbic reactivities."

"In sum, experience creates the repeated neural firing that can lead to gene expression, protein production, and changes in both the genetic regulation of neurons and the structural connections in the brain.  By harnessing the power of awareness to strategically stimulate the brain's firing, mindsight enables us to voluntarily change a firing pattern that was laid down involuntarily."  (Ie, if you have a trauma past, there is hope!)

The year of books

I love books!  I always have and I suspect I always will.    Instead of binge-reading fantasy novels all day and all night...I listen to books on Audible or Libby while chasing 2 preschoolers and trying to understand my teenager (an impossible task it seems).  This year I'm going to try to finish a book once per week for a total of 52 books.   It doesn't matter what type of book or if I read or listen.  So join me this year on a reading adventure!   How far will I make it?  How many books will you read?  

Let's go!!